~ Breaking the Silence: Domestic Violence in the South Asian American Community. Edited by Sandhya Nankani ~
Domestic violence is a dirty secret in the South Asian-American community but in the last decade or so it has become less hidden. There are more organizations helping the victims, there is more awareness within the community, and more victims are speaking out.
All of the above — support groups, community and victims — are represented in this anthology. The editor, Sandhya Nankani, while working at the Dharam Hinduja Indic Center in Columbia University, helped to coordinate its initiatives against domestic violence in the South Asian-American community. Among these initiatives was a workshop in 1998 at which several of the papers in this anthology were first presented. Academic papers and personal submissions form the rest of the book.
‘Tributes and Testimonials’ is the powerful first section of the book, which will be startling for those who know little about domestic violence in the community. It starts with a collection of news reports of violence within the South Asian US & Canadian community, collected by Shamita Das Dasgupta over many years. The reports are a trickle in the ’80s, increase steadily through the early ’90s, and become a horrific flood by the late ’90s. There is no comfort to be found of the ‘it doesn’t happen in my community’ variety — the families involved are Hindu, Muslim, Christian, and Sikh, and from all parts of the subcontinent and the diaspora.
The vast majority of violent cases are against women, though there are some cases where women are the accused.
The newsreport collection is followed by three personal stories — Hima M., who left her abusive husband after 23 years of marriage; M. Sharma, a second-generation Indian-American whose relationship with a controlling and manipulative collegemate left her as a single parent with no support; Hema Shasta who writes about her visits to the emergency room with broken ribs, her attempts to leave her husband, his attempt to kill her by destroying the brakes on her car, the ugly divorce proceedings and her discovery that she and her child were now destitute. The common threads are a lack of support from the community (including in some cases the parents of the women) and the hope expressed by each woman for her future. The three writers each attempt to answer the common question “Why didn’t you just walk out?”, with varying success.
Several articles in the book state that one in four South Asian women is a victim of domestic violence but I could not find the citation for this statistic. It would be educative to have more information about how it was determined.
The major religions in South Asia are analyzed in an article by Mary McGee, who includes quotes from
Hindu, Muslim, Christian and Sikh traditions. One set of these quotes speaks glowingly of how women should be valued, treasured, extolled and glorified. Another set, from the very same scriptures, contains misogynist statements like ‘Men are in charge of women’ (Muslim), ‘Wives should be submissive to their husbands’ (Christian), ‘A virtuous woman should serve her husband like a god’ (Hindu). Clearly, the texts are open to interpretation to suit any preconception. She closes with a specific set of recommendations for community religious institutions to counter domestic violence.
‘The Role of South Asian Men’ is the title of Rahul Sharma’s chapter. Indeed, the reader may have wondered when male voices would be heard — the men are, after all, the majority of abusers and batterers. (If one in four SA women are victims, does that mean that one in four South Asian men are abusers? Or do male abusers typically target multiple women?) Sharma’s article is not very encouraging. He writes about his experience at a Michigan Sexual Abuse Prevention Center (SAPAC), and running awareness workshops for South Asians around the US. He also describes the questions that arise in batterer-intervention programs — do they really change behaviour? are the men simply going through them because they are ordered to do so by the court? He brings forth the valuable point that when a male and female are leading a workshop, the dynamics between them are just as important as what they say — is the man always talking and the woman always writing, for example? He discusses the prevalent belief that women’s organizations need a man at the head, since women can’t function autonomously. Unfortunately, the weakest part of his article is the section on how to get more men involved: it becomes very obvious that this is not at all easy.
A thought-provoking discussion about coalitions and alliances comes in the chapter by Shamita Das Dasgupta. While the support of other South Asian organizations is crucial, she questions whether it is worth it at any cost. That is, should a domestic violence organization whose members are typically progressive work with, say, the Dharam Hinduja Indic Center which is associated with Hindu extremists? She also mentions that in her experience, community religious groups have generally shunned all associations with the domestic violence associations.
In 1994 the US Congress passed the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) which allows a spouse who is a victim of domestic violence to file a greencard petition independently of the other spouse. It is obvious that this is of crucial importance to South Asian battered women, whose immigration status is often dependent on their spouses.
One chapter of this book is a primer on the intricacies of VAWA, used in this case for somewhat dubious purposes. Karun Singh describes the case of a young woman who has filed for her green card with her spouse, and who is now having marital problems. Details of the couple’s life made me wonder — many of their problems seem like those of any newly married couple, compounded by the presence of the man’s mother. The abuse in this case is somewhat subjective; most people in an unpleasant divorce situation will describe themselves as the suffering partner, and we are not given the man’s version of the story. It is also unclear why a woman who has supported herself through graduate school and has a PhD has so few options. The possibility of returning to Bombay and supporting herself with a job is described as a miserable future, but those of us who are from India might find this somewhat unconvincing. Given the grim range of abusive situations, one has to wonder whether VAWA was intended for cases like this one.
The last section contains paintings, dance interpretations, poetry, and a mystifyingly complex story by Shona Ramaya with a cast so large that it is unclear who is being abused.
Readers with little knowledge about domestic violence will be awakened to its scope by this book. Those who work in SA domestic violence organizations will find helpful resources. The rest of us may find questions: why are so few parents supportive of their children in such situations? Why are more women not encouraged to educate and support themselves, so that they have more options when they unexpectedly find themselves in these grim situations?
‘Breaking the Silence: Domestic Violence in the South Asian American Community’. Edited by Sandhya Nankani. Volcano Press, 2000
This review was first published on the SAWNET (South Asian Women’s NETwork) website.
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